


Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

by grimmystyle



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:31:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimmystyle/pseuds/grimmystyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>News breaks that Harry is getting married and Nick doesn’t know how he feels about it. But he does realise that maybe now isn’t the time to tell Harry that he loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on my tumblr (same url) the other day and it got quite a good response so I figured I'd post it on here too. I hope you like it.  
> I've never written these two before, so I really hope I did it a little bit of justice.

During a rare moment of silence while a record was playing, Nick grabbed the newspaper he’d bought on his way into work and he began flicking through it, barley glancing at the headline news. Until one in particular really stood out to him. He never thought he’d see the day that those few words would be written in the gossip columns. And he didn’t really know how he was feeling about it.  
Nick turned when he felt an obnoxious tapping on his shoulder. Matt was staring at him, and Nick could tell he was getting frustrated. “Are you even listening to me?” Matt sighed and Nick shook his head dumbly. “I said thirty seconds until we come out of this record. Now it’s ten.”  
“Link up another one; I need to go to the toilet.” Nick mumbled as he stood up and quickly darted from the studio; leaving everyone utterly confused.  
The words began to dance around the page the longer he stared at it.  
“Harry Styles is engaged. He’s going to get married.” He said it out loud. The words spilled from his mouth but that didn’t make it all the more believable.  
Why didn’t Harry tell him this was happening? Granted, they hadn’t spoken for a very long time, no thanks to the two tours he’d been on. Granted their friendship had taken a steady decline and their interactions had been few and far between – the odd text once in a while to see how one another were doing – were they still alive and such. But still, didn’t Harry feel this was a piece of news he should share with his best friend?  
Nick shook his head as he stood up from the toilet he had been using as some sort of calming seat; which hadn’t worked in the slightest, and he made his way back to the studio – he had a breakfast show to present, he couldn’t let Harry bloody Styles and his completely out of the blue, totally unexpected engagement get in the way of his very important job.  
“Oh thank god,” Matt breathed a sigh of relief as Nick flew in the studio and sat in his chair. “I was beginning to think you had slipped down that toilet!”  
“Shut up,” Nick sighed as he linked up an advert and then expertly got on with the show like absolutely nothing was wrong with him.  
—  
Nick sat at home with a bottle of beer in his hand and a re-run of Midsomer Murders was playing on the TV; he wasn’t even watching it but he couldn’t be bothered to reach out for the remote to turn it off.  
He picked up his phone from his chest and he opened up a new text message; like he had done a hundred times in the last half an hour, unsure if he was really going to text Harry – what was he going to say, really? “Hiii, congrats on the engagement!” That wasn’t going to work. And he didn’t really want to be the first person to text; he wanted Harry to come to him with this news; he didn’t want to have to find out about this via the newspaper. But maybe, Nick mused to himself, maybe Harry didn’t want him to find out straight from the horse’s mouth. He couldn’t fathom a reason why.  
He’d wracked his brain for almost the entire day, trying to think of something he had done to put a dent in their relationship; he did have a tendency to say and do stuff without really thinking about it – had he done something to offend Harry without realising?  
He threw his phone down and went to the kitchen to grab another beer and maybe some crisps, then he thought about maybe popping to the shops; anything to stop himself from sitting on the sofa over thinking things.  
He was still very unsure of how he was feeling about this whole situation; it wasn’t the first time he’d been left confused and unsure over young Harold and he was getting quite sick of it. He was sick of it, yet he’d done nothing about it, ever; he usually ignored the confusion and the new feelings bubbling inside of him but now he couldn’t ignore them – every thought that popped into his head always, somehow, annoyingly led back to Harry. It had to be now, didn’t it? Now that Harry was completely unavailable and about to get bloody hitched!  
—  
For the next few days Nick couldn’t get away from the news of Harry’s engagement; it was still a hot topic on newsbeat, it was on the cover of every magazine and newspaper in his local newsagents, every time he met up with his friends they always asked him what he thought about it. Nick always answered with a polite “I think it’s great news. Really happy for him.” When quite frankly he was far from happy about it; only he didn’t know if he was angry because Harry still hadn’t told him, or because he still had feelings for Harry that he’d never really acknowledged or dealt with, and they just wouldn’t bugger off.  
He was glad of the night he was going to spend in the pub; a meeting with the breakfast show team over a few beers was what he loved doing on a Friday night. He felt like getting absolutely shit faced so he’d wake up the next day with a disgusting hangover, and then he could sleep away the rest of the weekend and ignore what was going on in the real world.  
—  
Nick should’ve known something was going to fuck up his brilliant plan, but he really didn’t think Harry was going to be the main culprit; he really didn’t need it, he needed to get his thoughts in line first.  
Before he could scurry back out of the door and straight back to his flat, Harry noticed him, putting on his knee trembling smile he made his way to Nick, arms outstretched for a hug.  
“Hi, pal!” Harry said loudly as he wrapped his arms around Nick and hugged the breath out of him. “How are you doing? I’ve missed you!”  
“I’m great. I’m great!” Nick said, putting on his very best smile for young Harold. “Missed you too, pop star.” He gave Harry’s shoulder and shove and Harry laughed softly.  
“Come over here, I’ve got someone I want you to meet.” Harry said as he grabbed Nick’s wrist and led him to the table that the team had occupied at the back of the pub.  
Nick felt something bubble up inside of him, he didn’t know what it was but he knew for certain that he didn’t want to meet Harry’s new fiancé.  
As he got closer to the table he eye balled LMC and Matt for rudely inviting Harry and not telling him about it. They were oblivious to his anger directed at them for their traitor ways. LMC raised her glass and gave Nick a thumbs up; she was clearly already on her merry way. Nick was jealous. How the hell was he supposed to do this sober?  
“Grim, this is Scarlett,” Harry said and Nick tore his eyes away from LMC and her obviously very strong alcoholic beverage, which he was desperately craving, and he looked at the beautiful girl locked onto Harry’s arm; tall like Harry, thick long brown hair, sparkling blue eyes. “Scarlett, this is Nick Grim–”  
“Grimshaw, yeah I know who he is, Harry,” Scarlett chuckled as she stuck her hand out to greet Nick. “It’s really good to meet you.” She smiled widely and Nick did his best to mirror it.  
“Nice to meet you too,” Nick said shaking her hand. He shifted his gaze to Harry to see him grinning and looking at the girl like she was the only person in the room; it was sickening really.  
After an awkward beat Nick shuffled on his feet and cleared his throat. “Excuse me, I need to go and get a drink. Plus, beautiful people make me nervous.” He smiled warmly at Scarlett before he turned on his heel and practically sprinted to the bar; hearing Scarlett giggling stupidly.  
He wasn’t nervous because of Scarlett or her beauty; he just didn’t want to be in her presence. But he thought lying to her would be so much nicer than being an absolute prick “I don’t want to be around you because I’m madly jealous, and I fancy the pants off your boyfriend/fiancé.” Nick didn’t see that going down too well in present company.  
“You alright?” Harry said as he appeared at Nick’s side, still fucking smiling. Nick nodded stiffly before he turned to order his drink.  
“You didn’t want anything, did you?” he asked Harry after he rattled off his order and the barman went on his way. Harry shook his head quickly before he turned to look in the opposite direction. “You pulled yourself a beauty, Haz.” Nick mumbled and Harry turned back to him, smiling widely. He didn’t particularly want to say it, but he knew he’d be asked what he thought about Scarlett so he decided he better bring it up first.  
“I did, didn’t I?” he chuckled softly.  
“And… getting married, huh?” he jokingly turned his nose up causing Harry to burst into a fit of giggles. “Never thought I’d see the day.”  
“I know, neither did I,” he paused and looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just… we haven’t… you know we–”  
“It’s alright Haz, I get it,” Nick smiled and bumped his hip into Harry. “I’m happy for you.”  
“Thank you,” he said, almost breathing a sigh of relief.  
Once his drinks were placed in front of him Nick make a swift movement to the table and away from Harry; he was afraid his mouth was going to run away with itself and that couldn’t happen. It absolutely could not happen.  
—  
Plenty of drinks flowed as the night progressed. Nick steered clear of Harry and Scarlett; choosing to stick with LMC and her drunken ramblings. Whenever Nick caught Harry’s eye he’d either get up and head to the toilet, he’d head outside for a smoke, or he’d just play on his phone.  
Just after 1am everyone decided it was time to head home. Taxis were called and goodbye kisses were dished out; still Nick avoided Harry and Scarlett. He felt bad but he just couldn’t do it; his mouth tended to run away whenever he was sober, now he’d had 2 bottles of rosé wine and he’d done three Jägerbombs in a row with LMC. His drunken mind knew he was just going to make a tit out of himself. He’d not seen Harry for ages and he wasn’t about to fuck it up.  
—  
Back at home Nick stumbled around his flat, not quite ready to go to sleep – partly due to alcohol making him dizzy and partly because Harry Styles was all he could think about.  
He was mentally kicking himself for being such a twat around him; Harry was going to know something was up, and he most definitely wasn’t going to let it go – Nick knows Harry will badger him until he gets the truth, and Nick can’t tell Harry the truth. It will put an even bigger dent in their relationship and Nick couldn’t lose him all together.  
Nick fell onto his bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes or get under the duvet. Phase one of his plan was complete, well almost, he could be even more shitfaced than he already was. He just had to fall asleep and wake up as fresh as a daisy on Monday morning.  
As his body got heavier and slumber was about to overtake him, Nick heard an obnoxiously loud knock on his front door. He refused point blank to answer; there was no way he could drag himself from his bed all the way to the door, no way in hell.  
The more the knocking continued the more Nick got annoyed; who the fuck thought it was ok to just knock on his door at this ungodly hour?  
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he grumbled as he hauled himself off the bed and dragged his sorry arse to the door. “What the fuck do–”  
He stopped mid-sentence when his eyes adjusted and he saw Harry standing there looking all sheepish. He composed himself; ignored the flutter of butterflies in his stomach and the pounding of his heart against his rib cage.  
“What are you doing, Harold? It’s three o’clock in the morning!” he turned around and walked in the general direction of the kitchen; he didn’t need to tell Harry to follow.  
“I just… um… I–I wanted to see that you were okay.” He stuttered.  
“I have a working phone that you could text or call – you didn’t have to come all the way here.” He said as he filled the kettle and flicked it on.  
“Well… I– it’s… did I do something… like have I upset you?” Harry asked and Nick turned to see him frowning.  
“Have you upset me?” Nick scoffed before the small, sober part of his brain told himself not to be a dickhead. He was quite ready to give Harry a mouthful; he wanted to tell him he pissed him off when he just stopped taking his calls and ignored every text Nick had sent him, for moths on end, he wanted to tell him that he pissed him off when he found out via the gossip columns that he was getting married! But he didn’t want to fight with Harry and of course, Harry didn’t know that Nick had developed a little crush – okay more than a little crush – on him.  
He swallowed hard before smiling as warmly as he could “Of course you haven’t upset me Harold, you never could.” He moved forward and pinched Harry’s cheek.  
“Don’t do that,” he sighed as Nick turned around to grab two cups from the cupboard.  
“Do what, Harry?” he continued on with his tea making, oblivious to Harry’s growing frustration.  
“Don’t joke around like there isn’t something wrong,” Harry grabbed Nick’s arm, forcing him to turn around and he dropped a tea bag on the floor. “I’ve known you for a long time and I know when something is bothering you. Now, tell me, have I done something to upset you?”  
“No you haven’t, Harry,” he sighed before he pulled his arm from Harry’s grip. “I’ve just… had a long week at work and I’m tired.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes I’m sure!” Nick sighed, exasperated. “Bloody hell Harry, do you want me to be mad at you or summat?”  
“N-no… I’ve just not see you for so long and when I do you’re just not yourself and I was… I was just worried about you.”  
“Well, I’m a big boy and I can look after myself; you don’t need to worry about me.” Nick mumbled as he finished up making the tea.  
“Thanks,” Harry muttered as Nick handed him a mug and then just wandered into the living room; knowing full well that Harry would follow him.  
He sat down on the sofa and flicked on the TV; he didn’t even know why – there was fuck all on telly at this time!  
“Where’s Scarlett?” he asked Harry as they both sat and watched Super Casino on ITV; fucking ridiculous TV show, Nick mused to himself.  
“She’s gone back to her place; she’s got to work early in the morning.” Harry mumbled his response and Nick just nodded; he wasn’t interested and he wasn’t even sure why he asked.  
When Nick finished his tea he placed his mug on the table and stretched out on the sofa, using Harry’s lap as a pillow. Harry placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder and Nick closed his eyes in satisfaction; this is the way it should be – him and Harry lounging on the sofa with the telly on while they weren’t even watching it. They’d done it plenty of times before, why did it have to stop? Oh yes, the obvious matter of Harry’s up-coming nuptials.  
“Grimmy?” Harry mumbled quietly.  
“Hmm?” Nick said as he turned onto his back and looked up at Harry.  
“Missed you, you know?”  
“I know, you told me, and I told you I missed you too, pop star.” He smiled before he reached up and ran his hand through Harry’s hair.  
—  
Nick woke the next morning still on his sofa, but without Harry; had he dreamt about his arrival last night? His wasn’t that drunk, he was certain Harry had been there.  
He groaned as he got up from the sofa and stumbled through to his bedroom in search of his phone; which he knew was going to be sat on his bedside table, like it always was. He grabbed it and quickly unlocked it to see one new text from Harold; “I had to leave for an early meeting. If you’re not doing anything later, maybe we could go out for dinner?” Nick smiled to himself; he hadn’t dreamt about Harry being in his flat, he hadn’t dreamt that they had both fallen asleep on the sofa in the most awkward position, yet they slept peacefully – so peacefully Nick didn’t even know Harry had left. It had been just like the old times; the old times that Nick missed so much.  
He replied to Harry’s text “Dinner with you? Of course x” then he fell into bed and, surprisingly, fell back into a deep sleep.  
When he woke up he didn’t know if there was knocking on his door or whether he had just been dreaming it. He sat up in bed and adjusted to his surrounding, and his door was indeed being knocked on. He checked the time; it couldn’t be Harry because it was only three – shit the bed, he had slept for six hours! It couldn’t be Harry because three o’clock was much too early to go out for dinner. He got out of bed and shuffled to the front door, he opened it to see Aimee and Ian smiling broadly.  
“Hi, we brought wine,” Aimee said as she walked right on in, giving Nick’s cheek a kiss as she passed.  
“Have you just woken up?” Ian asked with a laugh as he walked into the flat and patted Nick on the back in greeting. Nick shook his head as he closed the front door and followed the pair into the living room.  
“Yes I’ve been asleep. It’s the weekend; I’m allowed to sleep in.”  
“Until three o’clock in the afternoon – really?” Aimee looked at him with a raised eyebrow before she wandered into the kitchen; probably in search of the bottle opener.  
“Oh, shut up,” he grumbled. “Why are you two ‘ere?” Nick mumbled and stifled a yawn.  
“We missed the little get together last night, so we thought we’d come and see you, to get the gossip.” Ian shrugged as he sat down on the sofa and flicked the TV on.  
“It’s three o’clock in the afternoon and you haven’t spoken to anyone – all day and you come to me?” Nick frowned to himself before he went to the kitchen to find Aimee; she was up to something – she had to have spoken to at least one person who was out last night. “Why are you here?”  
“To catch up with you, bubs!” She smiled widely. “We missed last night so I just wanted to see how you were doing.”  
“Well I’m fine,” Nick shrugged. “I’ve got to get ready to go out so…”  
“Where are you going?” she asked quickly and Nick sighed. He didn’t want to get into his plans with Aimee, because he knew there would be a huge inquisition. He knew she was at his flat because she knew Harry had been at the pub last night. She was here to check up on him because she was the only one who knew how batshit crazy Nick was for Harry.  
“I’m going out for dinner… with Harry.”  
“Is that a good idea?” she said in concern and Nick frowned.  
“Yes it is a good idea!” he said quickly, voice going up a couple of octaves. “I haven’t seen him for ages, so we’re going out for dinner.”  
“I know he was out last night – how was that?” Aimee said and Nick scoffed.  
“You’re not my therapist, you know?”  
“Grim…” she said quietly.  
“It was awful,” he admitted with a defeated sigh. “His new… his fiancé is… she’s stunning – like I literally couldn’t fault her. But… oh god, I don’t know – I need to sort my head out.”  
“But you’re going to dinner with him – that isn’t going to help you!” Aimee groaned and grabbed his shoulders. “You need to distance yourself, bubs you need to give yourself time to get over him before you can be his friend.”  
“I haven’t seen him for months and months, and my feelings are exactly the same!” Nick hissed, suddenly conscious of Ian in the other room, easily able to hear them. “I have to get over my feelings and be his friend at the same time.”  
“We’re good together, Aimee – as friends, I mean. And, I can’t… I can’t not have him in my life just because I fancy him and he’s getting married,” he sighed a rubbed his hands over his face. “I just… I’ll be fine – everything will be fine.”  
“Well…” she sighed before she wrapped her arms around him. “You know I’m here if it all goes pear shaped.”  
“Yeah, cheers.” He forced out a laugh.  
—  
Harry text Nick to say he’d meet him at the pub at around 8 o’clock; he was going to be later than he originally thought so he couldn’t meet him at the flat.  
Nick wasn’t bothered because he wasn’t even ready close to seven thirty; he was dilly dallying around the flat for longer than he needed to and it was almost ten to eight before he even had his leather jacket on and was leaving.  
The taxi crawled through the London traffic just like Nick thought it would; it’s like forms of transport know you’re running late and they just like to add to the stress by making you even later.  
He was all in a fluster by the time he trudged through the pub doors and sought out Harry. His heart dropped into his stomach when he realised who had accompanied Harry to their dinner date. He shouldn’t have been so clueless as to think Scarlett wouldn’t join them. And he should’ve known Harry would’ve asked her; he was probably being the adorable little fucker that he always was, and thought he’d put his best pal and fiancé in the same room so they could form a nice little friendship.  
He was about to make a run for it when Scarlett looked up and caught his eye; she immediately nudge Harry and pointed over. Harry pulled out his infamous smile and Nick was won over; he’d endure anything if it meant Harry would smile at him like that.  
“Hiii!” he smiled as he walked over to them. Scarlett stood up and pulled Nick in a hug; he wasn’t expecting it so it ended up more than awkward; with a little bit of a boob brushing.  
“How you doing?” Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around Nick, hugging him tightly. That was the hug he was expecting, the hug that he actually wanted.  
“I’m good! Sorry I’m late, I got a bit side-tracked at home.” He laughed and Harry shook his head.  
“Nothing out of the ordinary then?” he cocked an eyebrow and Nick rolled his eyes.  
“Shut up,” he sighed playfully and shoved Harry’s shoulder before sitting down opposite him and Scarlett. “Let’s order, I’m bloody starving.”  
—  
Dinner was more awkward than anything. Nick was regretting the decision to go out with Harry; why didn’t he just think? Then he wouldn’t bloody be here with Scarlett quizzing him on every aspect of his life – she wanted to know everything; how is job was, was he really friends with so many famous people, how long had he and Harry been friends. Nick found it easy to talk about him and Harry; that was easy peasy. He just couldn’t talk about it to Scarlett.  
She wasn’t a horrible girl, she was actually really nice; Nick still couldn’t find any faults – except that maybe she talked too much. Nick couldn’t get a word in at some points.  
Then the talk of the wedding started and Nick completely switched off; he really didn’t want to listen. He wanted to rewind to last night with Harry; yeah they only sat on the couch but it was a whole lot better than sitting through this bloody dinner. He couldn’t even use the work excuse to get home – it was only Sunday the next day!  
“Hey, you have to come to our engagement party!” Scarlett squealed and tapped Nick’s arm repeatedly. He had to refrain himself from telling her to piss off and to stop hitting him.  
“Well, I have a very busy work schedule. I’ll try though.” He smiled politely enough but he knew from the look on her face that it was all planned out; she looked like the type to guilt trip a person with complete ease.  
“It’s on Saturday – Harry made sure it was on a day that you’d be able to make it.”  
“How do you know I’m not working on Saturday?” he said raising his eyebrow at Harry. He smirked and gave a slight shrug.  
“It’s very rare for you to be working on a Saturday. I just… I guessed.”  
“Well then…” he pulled his hand through his hair. He really didn’t want to go, but the look on Harry’s face made it so hard to decline the invitation. He smiled as sweetly as he could and grabbed Scarlett’s hand. “You’re in luck because I am free on Saturday and I would love to be there.”  
“Oh, great!” she squealed excitedly. “Oh, I can’t wait. it’s going to be absolutely perfect, as will the wedding.”  
“Of course,” Nick grinned with gritted teeth. “Excuse me while I go to the toilet.”  
He splashed his face with cold water and took a few deep breaths. Maybe Aimee was right; maybe he did need to be away from Harry to get over his feelings, maybe then he could be only his friend.  
It was getting harder to be polite to Scarlett and he really didn’t want to dislike her; she didn’t do anything wrong. Nick could really kick himself over being so stupid over Harry; he should’ve known that Harry wasn’t interested in him in that way. Nick was only Harry’s pal – Nick should’ve known that’s what he is and always will be. Nothing more.  
“Are you okay, pal?” Harry said as he quickly burst through the toilet door. Nick couldn’t help groaning inwardly. Why did he have to keep turning up with that adorable concerned look on his face?  
“I’m… actually… I don’t feel too good. I think I’m going to head home. Say goodbye to Scarlett for me.” Nick spewed out the words before he could really think about it. Then he rushed out of the toilet door and out of the pub into the cool night air.  
What the fuck was he doing? He shouldn’t be behaving this way! He’s a grown man for fucks sake!  
—  
Back at the flat Nick changed into some pyjamas and he crawled into bed, feeling pathetic and miserable. He felt like listening to some Whitney Houston, but he didn’t think his neighbours would be too pleased with those ballads basting through his speakers after midnight.  
His phone vibrated loudly and he grabbed for it aimlessly. A text from Harry lit up his screen: “Are you okay? Do you need anything? I’ll come over…?xxx” Nick sighed heavily. He’d love for Harry to come over but that was only for his selfish means.  
“I’m fine Harry. I’m in bed so don’t some over” he sent back the reply, knowing full well that Harry wouldn’t accept it. But he just threw his phone onto the side table and buried himself under the duvet, hoping to fall asleep easily.  
—  
The week was passing him by at a very slow pace, and to make matters worse he wasn’t sleeping, at all. He was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic with the amount of wine he drank before bedtime. To make matters even worse, Harry and Scarlett’s engagement party was getting closer and closer, and he’d gotten multiple texts off Harry asking if he was still going.  
He had thought about it long and hard; when he was struggling to sleep that’s all he could think about. He’d imagined declaring his undying love for Harry to the entire party. But that was a bit dramatic; he liked attention, but not that much. He’d imagined declaring his love to just Harry himself to gage his reaction – maybe then he’d be able to get over him more easily; to hear out loud that Harry didn’t feel the same way. He knew for a fact that his feelings were not going to be recuperated but he just needed to hear it.  
“I’m here!” Nick heard Aimee call out and he frowned to himself; he didn’t even hear her open the front door.  
“I’m in my bedroom!” he called back and mere seconds later Aimee came rushing in, looking flustered.  
“What’s wrong – has something happened?” She asked quickly, crawling on the bed to sit beside Nick.  
“No, no I’m fine,” he mumbled. “I just wanted to ask you something.”  
“Grim… y-you… fucking hell! I thought something was wrong!” she sighed, smacking his arm hard.  
“Ow, stop! Don’t hit me!” he glared at her. “Something is wrong – your best friend is about to make a complete fool out of himself!”  
“What do you mean?” she frowned and Nick put his head in his hands.  
“I’m going to go to Harry’s party and… I’m going to tell him how I feel.”  
“What?!” Aimee screeched. “Are you insane?”  
“Yes,” he pouted pathetically. “I need to do this. It’s the only way I can get over it. Don’t you think I thought about this, over and over again! It’s the only viable option.”  
“This isn’t going to make things any better,” she said in a soft tone, stroking Nick’s arm.  
“It can’t make things any worse,” He mumbled before he fell into her and she hugged him tightly. “Will you come with me?”  
“Of course I will,” she said without hesitating. She kissed the top of his head. “I can’t leave my best pal by himself. Plus, you know me… I never turn down a party invitation.”  
Nick chuckled softly, wondering if he was doing the right thing, or was he completely insane.  
—  
Nick kept messing with his blazer, he kept fluffing up his hair and he kept fixing his shirt.  
“Will you stop, and will you calm the fuck down?” Aimee hissed in his ear before they stepped out of the car and into the swarm of paparazzi. Fucking perfect, Nick grumbled to himself.  
The hustle and bustle of people all over the place made Nick feel even more nervous. But he would decide that tonight would be the fucking night he’d declare his love to Harry.  
“Let’s get to the bar and order a few of the strongest cocktails on offer.” He said in Aimee’s ear as he linked his arm through hers and walked in the direction of the bar.  
He wasn’t bothered that he hadn’t even sought out Harry to say hello and let him know that he arrived; although, he probably won’t even notice for a good while – there were loads of people he’d definitely have to go around and mingle with. Nick needed a bit of Dutch courage anyway.  
“Are you going to be alright – you’re not going to get wasted and make me carry you home, are you?” Aimee said as she rummaged in her handbag for her lipstick; not that she needed to apply anymore.  
“I’m going to be fine,” Nick said, not even slightly convincing. “Everything will be fine.”  
—  
Three cocktails later and Nick was feeling woozy – woozy but with much more confidence than when he had first walked in. But that confidence was shot down the second he saw Harry strutting towards him; looking all suave and sexy in his grey suit, his crisp white shirt open at the top. The little fucker, Nick grumbled to himself before he put on a smile.  
“Oh, hi!” he grinned as Harry leant down to hug him; saving Nick from standing up. “I wondered when I was going to bump into you.”  
“Oh god, I’ve been dragged all over the place tonight,” Harry sighed as he sat down at the table and reached for Nick’s glass.  
“Excuse me, get your dirty little hands off my drink!” he exclaimed playfully as he swiped the glass from Harry’s grip. “Get your own, you rich little pop star.”  
“If I walk back where I came from I’m just going to get stopped by another member of Scarlett’s family. Don’t make me do it.” Harry put on his puppy dog eyes and smirked at Nick until he gave in and handed the bloody drink to Harry.  
“You’re just being a tight arse and trying to get as many free drinks as possible, it’s not your birthday, y’know,” Nick joked and Harry stuck his tongue out. “Bloody pop stars.”  
“I’m glad you’re here, Grim,” Harry said looking down at the table rather than at Nick. “I didn’t think you were going to come.”  
“Yeah… ‘m sorry I didn’t text you back…” he took the drink from Harry’s hands and downed the last few dregs. “I’ve been rough all week.”  
“You sounded alright on the radio,” Harry snapped suddenly, looking up at Nick, glaring.  
Nick swallowed hard, “I have to be, don’t I?” he shrugged, “I’m sorry, but I’m here now, aren’t I?”  
Harry shrugged but didn’t say anything. Nick knew he was annoyed at him for being an ignorant shit and he knew he had to explain why, but he wasn’t drunk enough.  
“Do you want another drink?” he asked Harry quickly, before his mouth ran away with itself. Harry shook his head quickly. “Well then… I’ll be right back.”  
“When I was at your house last week, you weren’t ‘just tired’, were you?” Harry said, stopping Nick from leaving the table.  
“What do you mean?” Nick asked nervously.  
“I asked you if I had done something to upset you, and you said no, but you were lying.”  
“I wasn’t lying to you, Harry. You haven’t done anything to upset me, I promise.”  
“Then why are you being funny with me?” he hissed, causing Nick’s heart rate to rise. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one getting frustrated?  
“Do you want me to tell you the truth?” Nick said nervously, playing with the ring on his finger. He looked up briefly to see Harry nodding. “Okay,” he swallowed hard.  
He glanced around him, looking for the quickest route to exit; he was going to make a run for it once the words left his mouth. He’d never been really good at telling someone how he felt – give him a female friend and he’ll tell her everything! But stick him in front of the person he claims to love and he’ll do everything possible to avoid the topic.  
“Nick,” Harry said in a hard tone.  
“Okay,” he said again, really wishing he had a drink at hand because his mouth had gone very dry, very quickly. “The reason I’ve been… off is because… well, oh my god.” He rubbed his hands over his face and he heard Harry sigh very loudly.  
“Just spit it out.”  
“This isn’t easy, you know!” he snapped and then he felt a hand on his arm.  
“How are you two doing?” Scarlett said in her shrill tone. Just perfect, Nick said to himself. Absolutely perfect.  
“Good, we’re doing just… great. Excuse me.” He got up from his chair and practically sprinted to the bar.  
He ordered four shots of tequila, drank them down and then he was gone, out of the hotel as quick as lightening. He text Aimee and said he was going home and he didn’t need any company, he’d see her tomorrow for a gossip. He kept his tone light and jokey so she didn’t suspect anything, though she probably would.  
—  
Back at the flat Nick had drank a bottle of wine and three cans of larger, and he was a mess. He sat on his sofa and cracked open another can while his iPod softly playing sad, sorry, shit break up songs. When did his life turn out so pathetic; why was he moping over a pop star 9 years younger than him?!  
He heard his phone ringing from in the kitchen where he had left it, purposely. He wasn’t going to check it, because he knew it was just going to be Harry. He’d almost spilled his biggest secret and then reality was there in the form of Scarlett, and Nick knew he could never tell Harry how he felt; how could he do that to their friendship? If he told Harry how he felt then they were screwed – Harry was just going to feel weird every time they met up, if they ever did meet up afterwards. Highly unlikely, Nick mused with an obnoxious scoff.  
He hauled himself off the sofa and shuffled to the bathroom; his bladder was protesting over the amount of alcohol consumed and it couldn’t take anymore.  
When he had finished up and washed his hands, he grabbed the top of his trousers that he hadn’t bothered to zip back up and he shuffled out, feeling like he was drunk enough to pass out for the night.  
As he got to his bedroom door he heard someone clear their throat. He jumped out of his skin as he spun around to see who it was.  
“What are you doing – how the fuck did you get in ‘ere?” he shouted at Harry; partly through fright and partly because he was the last person Nick wanted to see.  
“I used Aimee’s key,” Harry muttered and Nick made a mental note to take all spare keys back off his friends. “We never finished talking.”  
“In case my sudden departure didn’t do it for you; that was me done talking,” Nick shook his head before he turned around and carried on into his room. “Go home, Harry.”  
“Not before you’ve told me what you were going to say earlier,” he said as he followed Nick.  
Nick ignored him as he tried to get his trousers and shirt off, stumbling all over the place. Harry sighed as he crossed the room and helped Nick unbutton his shirt.  
“Will you gerroff?” Nick shoved Harry’s hands away, causing him to stumble backwards on to his bed. “Oh… fucking hell!” Nick groaned loudly, putting his hands over his face in frustration.  
“Nick, please talk to me,” Harry said softly and Nick felt him taking his shoes and socks off.  
“Stop getting me undressed Harry, I am not a child.” Nick snapped, still frustrated with himself, with Harry, with the entire fucking world right now.  
“You can’t stand up straight; you really think you can get yourself dressed? Stop being a drama queen and let me help you. I am your friend after all.”  
“Yeah, you’re my friend!” Nick laughed loudly and obnoxiously, causing Harry to frown. He was acting so out of character. “I can get myself dressed, now move.” He sat up slowly and shooed Harry away.  
Harry left the room and Nick hoped it was to leave. He was way too pissed to deal with him.  
Five minutes later Harry walked back into Nick’s room with two mugs in his hand.  
“Oh, make yourself at home, Styles,” Nick scoffed as he pulled on his trackie bottoms and then grabbed the first t-shirt he came across. He pulled back his duvet and got into bed. “Why are you still ‘ere?”  
“Stop trying to get me to leave, I’m not going anywhere.” Harry sighed as he handed Nick the cup of coffee he had made. Harry walked around the other side of the bed and he climbed in next to Nick. Nick closed his eyes slowly; was Harry purposely trying to torture him?  
They sat in silence; Harry drank his coffee and Nick stared at his while he tried to figure out what he was doing with his life.  
“I’m in love with you, Harry,” Nick said suddenly. He couldn’t believe it himself; he had only been thinking about it, he never intended to say it out loud. He glanced at Harry who was staring at him, his gob hanging open.  
“W–what?” He stuttered. “I–I don’t… w–what do y–you–”  
“That’s what I was going to tell you earlier,” Nick sighed. His drunken brain had started now, so he might as well continue on. “I’ve been off with you because I’m madly in love with you.”  
Harry continued to stare at him dumbly and Nick felt his inside crumbling; this was rejection at its finest.  
“I’m trying to get over you, you see? You’re getting married and… that was hard for me to come terms with, but I’m alright with it now. I think I’m alright, I don’t really know. I just know that I want to be your friend, I wanna be your friend for life Hazza, and that can’t happen if I’m in love with you, can it? So… you need to leave me alone. Leave me alone and when I’m ready I’ll come to you, to be the bestest pal you’ve ever ‘ad in your life.”  
Harry didn’t say anything and that made Nick very, very nervous. Harry put his coffee down and he got up out of the bed; moving around like a zombie.  
“Haz, please… I don’t want this to be weird…” Nick started but Harry stopped him, holding up his hand.  
“How long have you known?” Harry said quietly and Nick shrugged.  
“Long time?” he shook his head. “I don’t really know when it was… when it changed. But it did and I ignored it for a long time but then I saw you were getting married a-and…. I don’t know, Haz. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t ignore it anymore.”  
“I have to go,” Harry mumbled before he picked up his shoes and quickly walked out of the room; leaving Nick defeated and even more miserable than before.  
—  
A week later and Nick was still miserable. He went to work every day and then he just went home; he avoided human interaction outside of work, at all costs – he turned off his phone when he was home, he’d taken the battery out of his doorbell and he spent most evenings in bed watching rom-com DVD’s. He was like a teenager after their first break up. It was ridiculous.  
He really thought that by telling Harry how he felt, it would clear some air between them and it’s make it all the more easier for Nick. He expected Harry to joke about, you know pat him on the back and tell him to stop being a doughnut; he didn’t expect him to walk out and never speak to him again!  
Nick had been so miserable that he hadn’t even called Aimee to be his shoulder to cry on; he literally couldn’t even bring himself to tell her how humiliated and miserable he was. It was bloody awful.  
He’s attention snapped up when he heard his door open; maybe it was Aimee after all.  
“I’m in my room, being all mopey and miserable!” he called out and sat himself up.  
“Yeah I thought you would be,” he heard someone call back, a male voice no less. And he couldn’t believe it.  
Harry Styles walked into his doorway and leant against the frame. “You’re such a loser.” He chuckled and Nick’s heart hammered against his rib cage.  
“What are you doing?” he mumbled and Harry shrugged before he moved to sit at the bottom of the bed.  
“I came by to see if you wanted some company.” He smiled stupidly and Nick rolled his eyes.  
“No, really Harry, why are you here?”  
“Well, this time last week – give or take a few hours – my bestest pal decided it would be great to tell me he’s in love with me–”  
“What a fucking idiot.” Nick said with a shake of his head and Harry laughed softly.  
“Please don’t interrupt me,” he said patting Nick’s foot, because that’s the only part of his body that Harry could reach. “Anyway… he decided to tell me when I was all ready to get married to this very beautiful girl and… well to be honest he sent me into a right fluster because… well… I’m in love with him too.”  
Nick frowned at Harry, waiting for the punch line to his joke.  
“Only I didn’t know it at the time,” Harry shrugged before he crawled up the bed, closer to Nick. “I just thought I loved him like a friend. Turns out I was wrong.”  
“How did you know you were wrong?” Nick asked, surprised that he could even form a comprehendible sentence.  
“I thought about it, a lot,” he said with a nod. “I mean… I’ve hardly slept this week!” he laughed softly before he looked down at his hand and then moved it to link his fingers with Nick’s.  
“I’m sorry if I made you miserable this week,” Harry said quietly, moving his eyes to look at Nick. “You just… you really freaked me out. I thought I was ready to settle down and… then you decided to open your big gob.”  
“Sorry about that,” Nick laughed and squeezed Harry’s hand. “Do you really love me?”  
Harry nodded quickly. “Like you, I… I just ignored it until… well until you admitted it, then it was all I could think about.”  
“What about Scarlett?” Nick asked, despite himself.  
Harry shook his head. “I told her I couldn’t go through with it. I told her I was too young and I rushed into it. She’s devastated.”  
“The poor girl,” Nick pouted sadly. He did feel bad for her; he could see how much she adored Harry; though he wouldn’t admit it at the time. “I’m sorry I’ve fucked up your life.”  
“You didn’t fuck up my life, idiot,” Harry sighed with a small smile. “You just made me realise I was heading in the wrong direction.”  
Nick burst into a fit of giggles and Harry frowned at him. “Sorry, sorry,” he took a deep breath to calm himself down. “Wrong direction, one direction - it just made me lol. I’m sorry.”  
“You are such an idiot,” Harry giggled. “I love you.”  
Nicks breath caught in his throat. “I love you too, pop star.” He moved his hand to run it through Harry’s hair and then he pulled him in and kissed him softly.


End file.
